you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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