I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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