i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize