I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
