she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
