My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize