What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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