Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
