Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Still dying that you shit outside
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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