i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
