I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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