I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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