Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
