Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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