i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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