highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
