Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
not ubering you a puppy
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
