She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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