Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
