This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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