Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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