I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
