My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
