his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
