Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
