I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
