Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
