My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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