Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
