He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
