Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
