After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
