wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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