my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize