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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..

  Fav 13 1017 1709

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

  Fav 8 1520 2163

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• (607): View more from New York

  I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.

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• (315): View more from New York

  I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  You know i'm the father figure

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad

  Fav 12 989 1937

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• (607): View more from New York

  Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.

  Fav 6 804 2162

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.

  Fav 0 34 13

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.

  Fav 0 25 71

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