So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
