I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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