Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
