I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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