final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
