All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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