lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
