you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
