I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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