oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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