Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
