I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
