i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
