how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
