things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize