Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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