You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
