im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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