dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Fuck appropriateness.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
