We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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