So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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