I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
