They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
