my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
