two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
