i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
