highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
