when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
