look no pants
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
