i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
