White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize