i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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